On being in-between

What is a church supposed to be?

What are people supposed to expect from church?

I talked to a person who is looking for a new church. She said at the church she had just visited she felt peaceful when she left church and that was how she thought she ought to feel. I was just wanting to be a listening ear and didn't voice any opinion on that point.

The church I have been attending lost a wonderful pastor several years ago. And ever since then we have been looking for a new one. This "interim" phase is rather difficult, I think. It seems that no one will ever be able to replace the one we had.

I have been in the bad habit lately of skipping church services and just going when I feel like it. And I don't feel like it quite often, honestly.

This last Sunday was not wonderful, I didn't leave feeling peaceful.

Everyone said how glad they were to see me. I guess they meant it, too. But, I never have felt very close to anyone there, except the pastor who died, and another person who left. When one person told me that she was glad to see me I muttered, "I don't know why."

The interim pastor of the moment managed to annoy me. It was my first time to hear him. I think I did get something out of it. He said if you come expecting not to get anything out of it you will leave that way. Maybe so. I think I have a bad attitude, and I have been discouraged.

I keep thinking about what he was saying about drinking alcohol. Our church has a covenant that is posted on the back wall. He said lots of Baptist churches used to have that. Among other things our covenant says that we will not drink or buy alcohol. I was reluctant to agree to that and worried over it before I agreed to join.

The pastor we used to have really could hear from God, because you didn't have to explain things to him, God told him, at least it seemed like that. I always felt like he must spend a good deal of time praying.

I never could see that the Bible actually teaches against drinking. But there is this scripture that says to be filled with the Spirit. I can't remember it very well or where it is. But it made sense to me suddenly that that it is better.

I never was much of a drinker, but I would drink a glass of wine or the occasional beer. Generally with people. Sometimes, I would say dumb stuff after drinking and regret it later. I really don't miss drinking. Nobody has ever bugged me on the subject. I just say no thanks if it offered to me. I never tell anyone what they should be doing. There are some people who I worry about their drinking.

I did get upset when alcohol was offered at a wedding of some members of my church. I guess because I think that if it is part of the church covenant it shouldn't have been done. It seems that talking about it would come under the category somehow of tattling, another item in the church covenant. Nobody said anything about it. It really bugged me. Maybe I should have said something.

So, I seem to be in this strange in-between on the subject, where I get upset no matter which way people talk about the subject, for or against.

And then there is my whole experience growing up with both of my parents being alcoholics. So, that stirs up lots of feelings when I start thinking on that subject.