On being busy

I read an essay today by Seneca called "On the Shortness of Life." His basic message is that we should realize how valuable our time is and be more thoughtful about how we spend it. Seneca was a Roman philosopher. He does a good job of pointing out all the ways we waste our time. I'm not so sure about the ideas he has about what are good ways to spend it.

We all probably do waste a lot of time. Or to put it another way we use it ways that don't reflect what we really value in life.

I have spent a good deal of my time meandering through life.

For example, I started quilting after taking a class in sewing. I took that class after wandering into a sewing machine shop and impulsively buying a Bernina Sewing Machine.

I don't regret starting quilting.

But I do regret buying so much fabric. Interestingly enough, near the beginning, the lady I took my first quilt class from tried to warn me about that. She did this when she was cutting fabric for me that I was buying from the quilt shop where she worked. Didn't she want to sell fabric? Why would she suggest that it was possible to buy too much fabric?

Then, I was full of notions of how I was going to make and sell quilts. I'm not sure what happened to that ambition, or if I ever really had really committed myself to it. Maybe it turned out to be too hard for me. Or maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist. Is it that I'm just thinking my quilts aren't perfect enough? Some quilters do seem to produce "perfect" quilts where all the seams match and no points are cut off. And they do it without pulling their hair out. Or so it seems.

Somewhere along the way I have ground to a near halt in quilt making. I can't seem to figure out what it is that has stopped me. I know I was frustrated in my last efforts--I tried so hard to make it correctly--but the block came out off by a good quarter inch. And that is a critical amount.

Maybe I should just live with it. Maybe I should make quirky quilts that have odd strips of fabric added on to fix them. That is what I did with one of my quilts. And I actually do like it. Or maybe I should try harder, make my block again, take it apart until its right. I couldn't decide so it's just sitting there.

I've been stuck like this for a good while. But I don't want to just get rid of my fabric and do something else either.

Why is so hard for me to decide what I really want to do with my time?

I have this card that I bought some time ago. On the front is a koala bear (a cartoon rendering) who is just kicking back in his tree. And it says something like: I'm making time from my "busy" schedule to write you. It's sort of funny to me. I'm that sort who can be "busy" doing nothing. But I would contend that some are busy doing nothing in a way that just looks like doing something.

Accomplishments

I have been getting at working on the quilt project that I decided needed to be redone. The project is making blocks for a game called quilt bingo that we will be doing next month at quilt guild. I have redone 3 out of 4 and have started picking apart the last. It is rather tedious, but not so bad picking out stitches once I made up my mind to do it. I'm not satisfied that the blocks look better or anything. The problem was that I did not have them done correctly. I was meant to put 5 different kinds of an assortment of fabrics (such as stripe, flower print, plaid, etc.). But I had repeated some of the kinds such as having 2 geometric prints. There are 6 different columns in different colors and a black center - like bingo. When we are done we are going to make a charity quilt with the blocks, I think someone said.

Reverse sewing some people call it when you have to pick out stitches. But I do feel some sense of accomplishment. I have finished the blocks, not just leaving them picked apart. It is something I can see that is done. I have mostly been doing the ironing in the cooler part of the day. This month it has been somewhat cooler than June and July and I have generally been managing without having on the air conditioning. It is getting up into the upper 80s by the end of the day here, but in the morning it is in the 60's, tolerable to have the iron on.

I do prefer the warm weather to cold. But I find myself looking forward to cooler weather. I like fall. I really like seeing the trees turn color and feeling the air crisp, just a little cold - sweater weather. When I started learning quilting it was in the fall - September of 2000. Before 911. In August of the 2001 I finally completed my quilt, which however still lacks a label, so I guess it isn't completely complete. I'm glad that I finished it before 911. I don't know why, exactly. Well, so that's another subject. It seems to cast a shadow 911.

That it took me a year to do my first quilt was awfully slow progress. Some people could probably have had it done in a couple of weeks. I did hand quilt it. But it isn't even full sized, it's a wall hanging, not a full bed quilt. It could be used as a throw, but I think of it as a wall hanging. I did receive lots of compliments on it however and especially people were admiring it as a first quilt, when I had it on display in our guild's quilt show. People have told me that I am good with color.

I also did one maple leaf block (finished 6" square) in fall colors for a fall quilt. I have been planning to do such a quilt for a long, long time. So, now I've gotten started - one block - it's a long way from a finished quilt of any size.

Stash, trash and the environment

More on my cluttered life. After writing about the stuff I have outside my door (actually that would be on the carport (or car porch as some Southerners say), I went to have a look at it and see if couldn't make any progress with dealing with it. I did sweep up all of the bottle caps that were on the ground. The recycling center doesn't take the caps, and I didn't like to throw them away, and had saved a good number of them. Mind you, I only threw away the ones that were on the ground and still have more of them.

And I threw away a few pieces of fabric. The fabric which I have outside has been given to me and is too stinky to keep inside. There is a slight chance that I could get the odor out by putting them in the sun. But I probably should just go ahead and throw it away. Some doesn't seem to smell too bad.

There is also the point that I really have lots of fabric inside the house. Quilter's refer to their fabric accumulations as their "stash". Many, many quilters will admit to having an overwhelming stash, enough for several lifetimes, especially if you don't actually sew all of the time.

If I threw away the plastic stuff and the stinky fabric I would have a few items left to deal with outside, but it would be much tidier.

I was telling myself I did this in part to keep it out of the landfill, and then I was thinking about the stuff I do throw away, maybe I should feel guilty about throwing anything away!

Maybe I could make plastic sculptures covered with stinky fabric. Perhaps I could find a market and make a fortune in modern art ...? LOL!

On being imperfect

I was supposed to have done a reading at my quilt guild meeting yesterday. I had intentions of doing so. I suddenly remembered it in the afternoon and started looking for something to read. I considered one choice, rejected it and then was looking at the following on the subject of mistakes. Well talk about being imperfect; then I wandered off and forgot all about the meeting!

I think this is really a good excerpt from an essay in a 1999 quilt magazine.

"If I could, I would give all of us the gift of eyes that can see the creative spark that moved a quilter to begin her project; eyes that can trace the eddies of joy that propelled the quilter through the tedium of matching seams (for better or worse), of basting, of squaring, and binding; eyes that can see the quilter's effort to improve, her attention to detail, and her wish to be recognized. I wish for all of us to develop the capacity to leave judging to the judges, and to continue making quilts that are authentic expressions of who we are.

Every quilter should keep in mind one special quilt, maybe even one we made ourselves, that sang to us when we saw it, one that made it difficult to see its failure to conform to the standards ... Closer inspection makes visible the 'flaws' our enchanted eyes failed to notice at first, but by then we don't care.

Mistakes we made daily and not just in quilting. They are the surest way to learn. The fear of making an error means we stay just as we are and never improve, either as quilters or as people."

If we expect ourselves to be perfect we are expecting too much of ourselves. Only God is perfect! We should expect that of Him! (But do we?)

I have heard somewhere recently that we have 60,000 thoughts in a day. I don't know how anyone could figure that out, but it certainly would be a lot. I must have had about 10,000 thoughts about what I might say in my blog today! I guess saying that reveals one of my flaws, well several, like obsessiveness and worrying too much about what people think of me. It is risky opening my life like this. I have considered that I could talk about very safe subjects. But that would be boring and not nearly as interesting (she says redundantly). So here's to daring to be imperfect and exposed.