On being busy

I read an essay today by Seneca called "On the Shortness of Life." His basic message is that we should realize how valuable our time is and be more thoughtful about how we spend it. Seneca was a Roman philosopher. He does a good job of pointing out all the ways we waste our time. I'm not so sure about the ideas he has about what are good ways to spend it.

We all probably do waste a lot of time. Or to put it another way we use it ways that don't reflect what we really value in life.

I have spent a good deal of my time meandering through life.

For example, I started quilting after taking a class in sewing. I took that class after wandering into a sewing machine shop and impulsively buying a Bernina Sewing Machine.

I don't regret starting quilting.

But I do regret buying so much fabric. Interestingly enough, near the beginning, the lady I took my first quilt class from tried to warn me about that. She did this when she was cutting fabric for me that I was buying from the quilt shop where she worked. Didn't she want to sell fabric? Why would she suggest that it was possible to buy too much fabric?

Then, I was full of notions of how I was going to make and sell quilts. I'm not sure what happened to that ambition, or if I ever really had really committed myself to it. Maybe it turned out to be too hard for me. Or maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist. Is it that I'm just thinking my quilts aren't perfect enough? Some quilters do seem to produce "perfect" quilts where all the seams match and no points are cut off. And they do it without pulling their hair out. Or so it seems.

Somewhere along the way I have ground to a near halt in quilt making. I can't seem to figure out what it is that has stopped me. I know I was frustrated in my last efforts--I tried so hard to make it correctly--but the block came out off by a good quarter inch. And that is a critical amount.

Maybe I should just live with it. Maybe I should make quirky quilts that have odd strips of fabric added on to fix them. That is what I did with one of my quilts. And I actually do like it. Or maybe I should try harder, make my block again, take it apart until its right. I couldn't decide so it's just sitting there.

I've been stuck like this for a good while. But I don't want to just get rid of my fabric and do something else either.

Why is so hard for me to decide what I really want to do with my time?

I have this card that I bought some time ago. On the front is a koala bear (a cartoon rendering) who is just kicking back in his tree. And it says something like: I'm making time from my "busy" schedule to write you. It's sort of funny to me. I'm that sort who can be "busy" doing nothing. But I would contend that some are busy doing nothing in a way that just looks like doing something.