Church, why I'm not there today

I am not at church today. I quit going to the church I was going to several months ago. I have visited my brother's church a few times. I kinda like it. But I don't feel real enthusiastic about it.

I have thought I found a good church to join twice here in my area. Maybe I ruined them by joining them. I have heard preachers say that thing before. Of course that is not the way I'm supposed to take it: "If you find a perfect church and you join it you'll ruin it." This is meant to point out that none of us is perfect this side of heaven.

The one church just plum fell apart and is now disbanded. The second one had a congregation of about 200 at one time. That was before I joined it. I'm not sure how many were attending when I joined, but it was a lot more than when I left. When I left it was maybe 30 people, some services 5. There were quite a few older people and few young people who died.

What really bugged me was my inability to make a friend there. The one lady who I could call a friend left. And the man who was the pastor there when I joined and who I think I could count as a friend, he died. I could go on and on about what a wonderful fellow he was. He really did make me feel noticed and loved. And I think he did that for all the members of our congregation. Everyone was so weepy when he died, which made me think everyone had felt the same way about him.