Search Overload

I like the commercials that are running now that poke fun at people quoting things they've learned by web searching. They've even come up with a name for the phenomenon, "search overload," I think it what they say in the commercial. It seems we've all become researchers these days. And I know the feeling. Somehow lots of searching leaves all these facts loosely floating around in my brain in an unconnected sort of way. I don't know if it actually comes out in how I talk, but it's there in the way I'm thinking. How the content of media and the forms of media affect the way we think is an interesting subject for thought. Before the internet, and I'm old enough to remember well "life before the internet," I guess I might have suffered similar results from say a visit to the library and rifling through an assortment of books, or perhaps reading through a dictionary or an encyclopedia.

It's hard to know exactly how exposure to something affects my thinking. I remember years ago noticing that after reading Mark Twain I had started using speech patterns that he used in his writing, talking, or rather thinking in my head, like Huckleberry Finn or Tom Sawyer, I'm not sure which. I can't think how that is, how they talked, I can't do it without going and "searching" for a copy of one of those books that is. I am sure I could find out easily enough, certainly those books are available online. We have so much information available at our fingertips! How does that affect my thinking? Does that matter?

It's hard to know, as I was saying. It's hard to have that much perspective. I've found myself thinking like a reporter or writer. I think I've done that for years however. I'll think something and then I rewrite. I recognized that habit in the movie about a reporter and a homeless guy, I can't think of the name just now, or the actors names. I'm completely drawing a blank, but I'm sure I could go find it. Stop and check my facts and then finish writing this. Sometimes I do that. Sometimes I don't really want to interrupt my flow of thought, but I want to have my facts right. Even though I probably don't need to worry too much about that in this blog. I don't think I have a very high readership.

That's another subject, the subject of the accuracy of what you find when you do searches. Who knows who wrote some stuff, how much they really know what they are talking about, and if they are just rewriting what someone else has posted somewhere else. I think a lot of inaccurate statements get circulated that way.

In the movie, about a reporter and a homeless Juilliard-taught violinist (I just searched how to spell Juilliard), the reporter guy keeps rewriting, rewording his story in his head. That's something I do.

And then it's just that everything I'm doing can become something to report about. I'm writing. I'm writing about writing. I'm writing about writing and I have a tv on in the background. I'm going to stop writing now. I'm going to click on the publish post button. That sort of thing.

Some thoughts on fishbowl romance

I'm still thinking about it. This episode of More to Love. I guess it touched a few nerves in my own life. Stuff about falling in love. But it's more than that.

I just watched the finale, so I didn't ever see any of the other girls than the final two, Malissa and Tali. I'm not sure if it was Malissa or Melissa, but I saw Malissa somewhere. And the fellows' name was Luke.

This is obviously just my opinion, but for looks I thought the fellow not all that good looking. But, although the women were overweight, I thought they were pretty. And for personality, I didn't see the appeal of the fellow either. He did how ever have a good job, a successful real estate investor, I think they said. But I just watched the one episode, so I might change my mind if I had seen more of him.

I tuned in somewhere after the beginning. Luke was in the process of taking each girl home to meet his parents. Since his parents were divorced, first it was his father and grandmother and some other family members, and then his mother. Tali was first. The father prayed over the meal and made comments that made it clear that he was a Christian. Since Tali is Jewish he asked her questions about her faith. I wish I remembered exactly what was said. He was fairly direct and clearly making her uncomfortable. But they seemed like legitimate concerns to me. How do you feel about marrying outside of your faith, what about having children, how will you raise them, that sort of thing. Tali handled the questions fairly well. She said something about faith being more important than which faith. I don't know what that could mean. She said she would want any children they might have to know about both of their faiths.

Malissa was never asked about her faith. Or they didn't show that on the show, I guess that's possible, but I kind of doubt it.

After meeting both young women, the father indicated that he thought that Malissa was the better choice. I found myself rooting for Tali. I guess I just liked her better. After his mother met both of them, she sided with Tali.

It was never clear to me if Luke is a Christian, or if Malissa is a Christian.

I guess I'm wondering what people who aren't Christians would think about all of that.

Both women were shown as they put on the finishing touches of their make-up and looked themselves over in the mirror before the final dates. The one, the date where each would find out if she was to be proposed to or rejected.

Malissa said that Luke made her feel beautiful. She was radiant as she walked toward him. She was radiant as she gazed into his eyes...until he told her that she was not the one, then her countenance changed. It was dramatic. I wanted to tell her that she is still a beautiful woman no matter whether she was chosen by this man or not.

I wonder if it's really a very good way to meet someone, in the public eye like a fish in a fishbowl.

Why do they always fall in love? I haven't followed much of these shows but I've never heard of anyone who didn't "fall in love" on them. One person has choices and the others always seem to fall for the one, this one who is after all just a random person.

Funny

I just read this story about a woman who regained her sight when they put some kind of artificial eye, a lens, in one of her teeth and then they placed that in her eye. I thought I wonder if they used her eyetooth. Guess what? Yeah, they used the eyetooth! It's a wonderful thing for the woman I'm sure. But the humor of seeing with an eyetooth is just cracking me up. I keep giggling to myself.

I also heard this story recently which I found humorous. Two girls fell in a drainage hole and they used a cell phone to text a message to one of the girls' facebook page. Then they waited for someone to see it and notify the police. Never thought of calling 911? I don't know. They had to wait some seven hours to be rescued.

General Rant about Movies

I've rented some lame movies lately. If I mention them by name or even discuss them someone might want to go rent one of them. That would be a waste of time. On the other hand I've read some interesting books. I like both genres, but sometimes I just want to sit back and watch a movie. I guess it's hard for movie makers to constantly and consistently come out with good stuff. I guess. But some of the movies I've seen lately, I don't know why anyone would have wanted to make them.

I've seen a couple of movies that I could describe as good but deeply disturbing also. One of the movies I rented was good in parts but really stupid in parts. I'm afraid the stupid outweighed anything very meaningful. The movies featured actors who I have enjoyed watching in the past, who have acting talent. They did a decent job given the scripts, but their talents seem to be going to waste. I guess I could mention names here but I'm reluctant still.

As for disturbing movies. I think there is a place for them. Sometimes things happen in this world that are very difficult. People make movies about those things. Crimes of all kinds are such a frequent subject. I'm being quite vague intentionally. When you know that a story is based on real life, it's more upsetting. But I wonder if we aren't often jaded by exposure to so much of that.

Curiously, I've watched a whole lot of movies about the holocaust. That's a disturbing subject. But I usually seem to enjoy them. I can't explain it. Maybe its that Jews know how to tell a good story. Not always. I don't think that's it. I could name a really stupid movie here but I won't.

I'm wanting to rent a movie. I've been renting from Red Box, because it's so inexpensive. But the selection, at least at the moment is also limited. And I don't really want to watch another of the sort that I've been describing. Even comedies have been rather disappointing. I can't think when I've found a movie really funny, the kind of movie that caused me to laugh out loud watching.

Sometimes I have enjoyed movies done by Christian film makers. Sometimes I enjoy them. Sometimes not. I saw one in the Red Box and didn't choose it. Later when I decided to give it a try it wasn't there anymore.

I guess I could go read a book.

I have been reading, "Undaunted Courage: Meriwether Lewis, Thomas Jefferson, and the opening of the American West", by Ambrose Stephen. It's about the Lewis and Clark Expedition, primarily through the eyes of Lewis.

The author begins developing the story by taking the reader through Lewis' birth in Virginia in 1774, his formative years as a young man eager to get an education, and his early manhood, (at the age of 18 he bore the responsibility as the head of the family estate).

Something, I didn't know or remember was that before he embarked on the famous expedition, Lewis had served as the personal secretary to Jefferson and even lived in the Whitehouse with Jefferson (who was single). Jefferson was a mentor to Lewis. It struck me that that alone might have been considered a noteworthy accomplishment by some.

But there was much more to come. I felt the excitement that Lewis and Jefferson must have felt as they spent time discussing and planning the expedition. Among other things that needed to be done, Jefferson had to provide for funding. He was not a spendthrift as President, but he felt this endeavor to be worthy. So, he set about trying to convince congress. Jefferson meanwhile was working on another project, an offer to Napoleon for the United States to purchase New Orleans. Napoleon offered not only the city of New Orleans, but also France's whole claim to lands known as Louisiana. Jefferson took the offer. Curiously, neither Napoleon or the Americans had an exact mapping or knew the exact extent of the land involved in the transaction. Louisiana was vaguely construed the area encompassing the Mississippi River and its tributaries.

With the successful completion of that enterprise, the purchase of Louisiana, Jefferson had even more reason to request funding from Congress for the exploration of the recently purchased lands. Jefferson also envisioned that a water passage to the Pacific, the so-called Northwest Passage, could be found.

When congress did approve the trip, Lewis received basically a carte blanche, letter of credit for supplies and expenses. (What's new, the expenses of the trip were greatly underestimated.) Reading about Lewis' purchases of supplies, and deciding on what would be needed for the trip, I could only imagine what would have been like to buy anything he wanted. And I thought of my own anticipation before trips trying to pack light and usually not successfully. He must have been trying to think of everything that would be needed, reviewing what he had bought and trying to think if there was anything else they would need. The list included, nourishment, medicine, journals, arms (rifles and ammunition, etc.) for hunting and protection, items for trading with the Indians, many tools of various sorts, and what not, for many months travel and camping. And then packing it; it amazed me to think of all of that being packed into a boat.

The first of the boats purchased could hold many tons of goods, it was not one of the sort of canoes that I had always pictured them traveling in. I must admit I'm not very familiar with boats and that I had a hard time picturing the vessels although the book describes them in some detail. I would like to see pictures, or better yet see them in person.

Waiting on a drunken boat builder to complete the boat he had ordered caused Lewis several weeks delay. But he had to wait, he was dependent upon that fellow's services because no one else around had the skill to finish the job. I could feel his anxiousness to get going and his frustration. He had a long way to go before winter set in. It was already August (of 1803).

By the time he did get going, (he was on the Ohio River at this point), the river was too low for easy passage and the boat had to be dragged at several points. He then purchased some canoes to help share the load. There would be several more boat purchases along the journey. They also made some boats.

As part of his preparations, Lewis had also spent a good bit of time learning about botany, and how to make geographical measurements using the sun and stars for references. Jefferson wanted him to keep records about a vast array of subjects including not only records of new plants and animals seen, and the geographic records, but also detailed descriptions about the various Indian groups and their trading practices.

An interesting note about Clark: Lewis chose Clark to accompany him and wanted him to have equal position with him as a captain. He hired Clark and sent notice of his request that Clark be made a captain. But when the papers finally came through, he found that Clark had been designated as Lieutenant. Lewis told Clark that he wanted him to be a captain and they didn't tell the crew any different.

It must have seemed like such a grand adventure as Lewis set out from Pittsburgh. And they must all have been filled with excitement when Lewis and crew met up with Clark and his men along the Ohio River, and again when they reached the Mississippi, and really at some many points along the way until they finally achieved their goal and reached the Pacific.

Not only Lewis, but Clark and the crew kept journals. One thing one can't help noticing in reading the various excerpts is the spelling and punctuation. The spelling was typical of the spelling of the time, there were no absolute standards. Even the well educated found it difficult to choose the proper spelling of words. I found the many variations in spelling for the same word rather amusing. But then I thought about the fact they would not have been carrying around dictionaries (and certainly did not have spell checkers). I'm not sure that there were dictionaries yet.

Much of what we know about their journey is through what they recorded in those journals. Naturally, there were many frustrations and difficulties along the way. There were dangerous encounters with Indians, with the elements, with grizzly bears, and mosquitoes, sickness, injuries, hunger, cold, anxieties and uncertainties about where they were and which way to proceed.

In one way, I was impressed with Lewis' bravery over all, and in particular in encountering the Indians. I just wonder what those meetings would have been like. I suppose that he must have had a forceful personality to not only make the initial approaches but to be welcomed and to continue in the company of all of the different Indians they met. In other words, I think they must have liked and respected him.

I could admire his bravery, but then again, I was saddened by the way Lewis and the rest of the party viewed and treated the Indians. For one, he was trying sell the story that they, as representatives of the United States, were just friendly visitors. Jefferson and Lewis had fixed their stories as to what they would tell the Indian tribes. Lewis had his agenda and he stuck to it, pretty much. One version of the story was that Lewis's group were merely on a scientific expedition (they were, but that was only partially true), and another was that they were just hoping to establish trade with the Indians.

Invitations were extended to the chiefs to meet their "father" Jefferson. They urged peace and cooperation between all of the other Indians and with the Americans. I wonder if their words were met with any skepticism by the Indians? If so, rightly so. It would nice to have a record of those visits through the Indian's eyes.

I felt saddened especially when they reached the Pacific Northwest learning that the Indian tribes that they spent time with there would mostly die off in not too many years, due to small pox.

I really disliked reading what Jefferson told someone in a letter, essentially that he was hoping to pacify the Indians by creating dependence on the United States through trade. He said, if the United States could put the Indians in the position of buying trade goods on credit, they would likely soon go into debt and then they would likely pay off they debts with their land.

The Indian way of life, including their notion of "ownership" of land, being a sort of fluid thing, would soon be coming to an end. In some ways the Lewis and Clark expedition might have served the purpose of notifying the Indians of the changes that were coming their way.

It would be easy to romanticize that way of life, but then again they were warring peoples, not only fighting white men but also among themselves. As one of their young men remarked fighting was their way of proving their bravery, how else could they do it? It's difficult, if not impossible, to imagine the Indian way of life continuing the way it had been.

Paring down, editing my memories

I've been going through my stuff endlessly it seems.

Anyway I was looking at some old journals that I wrote one in 1992 and one in 1995.

It was interesting to me to see the ways I have changed and the ways that I am still so much like I used to be. I kept talking about marriage. I wanted to be married then and I still do have that desire. But I feel perhaps I worry about it a good deal less.

I rewrote some of it and decided to throw away the old stuff. I had forgotten some people's names that I was glad to see written down. I wrote a few things that I care to share. One thing I thought was funny and one poignant.

I wrote: I have decided that I need to lose weight. That explains why I am eating this whole container of Haagen Daz. LOL.

After returning from the trip to Hungary, I wrote that I felt when I came back that I was like a bird put back in its cage, singing "Is this where I belong?"

Interesting that I had a forgotten a lot of the painful stuff and the joys as well.

Are you ready for this?

Is there a maxim about never blogging angry?

Take a deep breath. Sigh.

Are you ready for this the receptionist asked me? Then she told me how much I owed. $1800! I had already paid a $200 deposit.

$2000.00! That's how much the first of my vet bills is. And I have to do a follow-up visit.

The vet told me $600, and I know there was no misunderstanding, so he lied to me straight-faced $600.00. I thought that would be a big pill to swallow but I could manage it.

I'm pretty angry with that fellow.

Ok. I've had my rant.

If he had told me the truth I might have had him put down even though I had already spent the money for blood-work and x-rays. I love my dog, I really do, but he is just a dog.

I brought his sweet little smiling face home today thinking about how much he was costing me. It took me several minutes to stop shaking. I'm still upset.

Take a deep breath. Sigh.

A wee small further rant on about my income earning potential, I've never had a job that paid more than $12/hour and most of the time I've earned less, and if I had a job at the moment, which I don't, it would take me a long time, maybe a year, to save that much money.

Well, it's true I have got myself here by putting off looking for work. How hard I've always found job hunting, how insecure I am, I don't know, all the reasons for it.

But that doesn't mean that this doesn't hurt.

I wonder if that fellow would care at all if he thought about all of that.